Christmas Shopping Ideas

Need gift ideas for Christmas? This year, give the lonely spinster in your life a gift that keeps on giving: the Cuddle Pillow Boyfriend. The pillow features an arm that will gently cuddle the loveless loser without quietly leaving in the morning or passing along an STD. And its only $19.95! Buy now, thank me later.

See Below...

One Tough Bitch!

A jogger in Arizona was minding her business, enjoying a morning run, when a rabid fox jumped out and bit her arm. Curious to know if the fox had rabies, this bitch ran a full mile with the fox locked onto her arm until she reached her car, where she pried the fox off and threw it in the trunk. She then drove to the hospital to have the fox tested for rabies. The woman and fox, although not on speaking terms, are both in the hospital receiving rabies vaccinations.

Meanwhile, I woke up at noon and watched a rerun on Seinfeld.

John Cryer, a.k.a. Duckie from Pretty in Pink (1986), currently stars as Alan on the pseudo-amusing sit-com Two and a Half Men. The craptacular show has help Cryer regain some fame, and as a result he will soon star in several new feature films, including Stay Cool with Winona Ryder and Hillary Duff.

The Horror...

Amy Winehouse must be the ugliest thing caught on camera since undated photos of the "Chupacabra" circulated the internet. Here she is after beating down paparazzi (for the umpteenth time this year) the night her beloved Blaaake-incarcerated was released from prison.

Best caption of the night, Michael K's: "Maybe she's born with it...Maybe it Crackaline."

Its now time for -- A Very Bad Idea with Heidi Klum!

It seems as though Heidi Klum's Halloween costume has upset a few people. This year, she dressed up as a Hindu god (great idea... ) and upset many Hindus in the process. Several prominent Hindu leaders are asking for an apology.

Not only did Klum go as someone's God... she went as a pretty sacrilegious version too.



View photo below....

Mark-Paul Gosselaar, a.k.a. Zack Morris, can currently be seen in Raising the Bar (some show about a law firm)

PALIN - DROME

Valuable advice in palindrome form from vice-presidential hopeful, Sarah Palin.

The downfall of naked decorating

The Sun reports that a 50-year-old clergyman had to undergo emergency surgery in order to remove a potato from his ass. The embarrassed reverend explained the accident was not a sexual experiment gone wrong. Instead, he claims he was hanging curtains in his kitchen while nude, lost his balance and fell backward onto the potato... classic excuse.

I've often heard from nurses that "Ass Boxes" actually exist - that is, objects retrieved from the posterior cavity of freaky people (i.e. Richard Gere). A physician from the admitting hospital revealed other objects found in the ass box (not from the same vicar). They include - a can of deodorant, a cucumber, a Russian doll and a carnation.

Seinfeld "Assman" clip - a million to one shot, doc:

How do you like them Pumpkins: Why your pumpkin is lame

The traditional triangle-eyed and crooked smile pumpkin face has nothing on this guy's work.

Quote of the Week: Paris Hilton, Space Cadet

NASA continues to examine the state of new strains of viral diseases in space. On that note, Paris Hilton may be the first space-whore to travel on Virgin's (haha, the irony) Enterprise Rocket. She recently said:

"What if I don't come back? With the whole light-years thing, what if I come back 10,000 years later, and everyone I know is dead? I'll be like, 'Great. Now I have to start all over.'"

If this is her wedding day, what will her wedding night look like?

Sixteen year-old Missy Quinn was recently married to her 17 year-old boyfriend, Thomas, in a £100,000 wedding. Her dad, pictured below, paves driveways for a living - but managed to save up for his daughters wedding. He said, "it was worth every penny."

Missy left school at the age of 9 and travelled with her family across Europe in a Caravan (I suspect the kind Brat Pitt inhabits in Snatch). She met her husband at an amusement park when she was 13.

In total, the £100,000 covered (taken from Dlisted.com):

• Missy's luxurious two-piece wedding gown: £16,000

• Missy's gorgeous crystal bouquet: £500

• The outfits worn by some of the babies at the wedding: £300

• One of the guests' hot pants and bra ensemble: £700

• Missy and Thomas' new trailer, a gift by her parents: £18,000

Sexy, yet elegant...

The Bride's 33-year old mom, 17-year of husband, and 35-year old father.

Bridesmaids - or blue puffy balls o' chola

Fur coat... nice touch

Garter belt on a 1o-year old - R. Kelly must be taking a long cold shower