The downfall of naked decorating

The Sun reports that a 50-year-old clergyman had to undergo emergency surgery in order to remove a potato from his ass. The embarrassed reverend explained the accident was not a sexual experiment gone wrong. Instead, he claims he was hanging curtains in his kitchen while nude, lost his balance and fell backward onto the potato... classic excuse.

I've often heard from nurses that "Ass Boxes" actually exist - that is, objects retrieved from the posterior cavity of freaky people (i.e. Richard Gere). A physician from the admitting hospital revealed other objects found in the ass box (not from the same vicar). They include - a can of deodorant, a cucumber, a Russian doll and a carnation.

Seinfeld "Assman" clip - a million to one shot, doc:

How do you like them Pumpkins: Why your pumpkin is lame

The traditional triangle-eyed and crooked smile pumpkin face has nothing on this guy's work.

Quote of the Week: Paris Hilton, Space Cadet

NASA continues to examine the state of new strains of viral diseases in space. On that note, Paris Hilton may be the first space-whore to travel on Virgin's (haha, the irony) Enterprise Rocket. She recently said:

"What if I don't come back? With the whole light-years thing, what if I come back 10,000 years later, and everyone I know is dead? I'll be like, 'Great. Now I have to start all over.'"

If this is her wedding day, what will her wedding night look like?

Sixteen year-old Missy Quinn was recently married to her 17 year-old boyfriend, Thomas, in a £100,000 wedding. Her dad, pictured below, paves driveways for a living - but managed to save up for his daughters wedding. He said, "it was worth every penny."

Missy left school at the age of 9 and travelled with her family across Europe in a Caravan (I suspect the kind Brat Pitt inhabits in Snatch). She met her husband at an amusement park when she was 13.

In total, the £100,000 covered (taken from Dlisted.com):

• Missy's luxurious two-piece wedding gown: £16,000

• Missy's gorgeous crystal bouquet: £500

• The outfits worn by some of the babies at the wedding: £300

• One of the guests' hot pants and bra ensemble: £700

• Missy and Thomas' new trailer, a gift by her parents: £18,000

Sexy, yet elegant...

The Bride's 33-year old mom, 17-year of husband, and 35-year old father.

Bridesmaids - or blue puffy balls o' chola

Fur coat... nice touch

Garter belt on a 1o-year old - R. Kelly must be taking a long cold shower

A Must Watch: Wassup 2008

Remember those Bud/Wassup videos from a few years back? A new political parody featuring the same actors as the original has been released by the website 60frames. Below is the original Wassup video.

Puff, Puff, Dash

Miss Teen Louisiana USA, Lindsey Evans - was busted by the popos when she tried to dine and dash. Her fool-proof plan ran into some trouble when she realized she left her purse at the scene of the crime. Inside her purse? A bag of weed...

By the time she returned to the restaurant to reclaim her purse etc., the police had already been contacted. They recognized her right away and arrested her. Unfortunately, Evans lost her crown due to the mess only 11 days before her term was to end. No word if she has been contacted by Donald Trump.

Cary Elwes - also known as Westley from the Princess Bride - turns 46 today! Since the high point of his career, circa '87 to '93, Elwes has appeared in several films such as Saw, Ella Enchanted, Factory Girl, some tv movie about the Pope, and Georgia Rule. Despite a slow point in his career, it looks like Elwes might be able to move out of his box with the completetion of a few new movies.

McCain photo-op v2.0

I'm not falling for that one...

The old "Financial compensation for drug use" line.. oldest trick in the book.

Image: Scanned copy of advertisement found in Metro News, Wednesday October 22, 2008.
"Healthy Men and Women 18 to 55 years of age, with recreationaal druge experience are needed to participate in a clinical research study.

'If you use depressants (downers, barbituates, GHB, benzodiazepines, roofies, cannabis) and opiates (hydromorphone, oxycodone, morphine), contact us today to see if you qualify.

Financial compensation up to $4,255."

My Advice to McCain

My advice to McCain - don't pose like this:

...Or I'll have to do this...

PALIN - DROME

Valuable advice in palindrome form from vice-presidential hopeful, Sarah Palin.

You know you're Canadian when....

When you accidentally call Vice Presidential nominee Sarah Palin Sarah Polley on more then one occasion - which is less an insult to Polley's intelligence as it is a testament to my fond childhood memories of Road to Avonlea.