Douche of the Week: Michael Buble

Maybe it was his lame renditions of classic songs already made famous by more talented people. Or maybe it was the fact that he talks a lot of shit for a porky Canadian kid. But most likely it was the rumored infidelity that finally convinced Emily Blunt (Devil Wears Prada, The Jane Austin Book Club) to drop Michael Buble like a fat chick letting lose on a Friday night.

In response to his recent breakup, the 33-year old singer said: "I'll go home and I'll curl up in a ball and I'll cry. I'm not kidding. I'll just cry." DOUCHE BAG!

According to Lainey Gossip, Buble was accused of cheating on Blunt (in her own bed) with another woman who had photographic evidence. And now that he's single, Buble has been gallivanting around town with tons of different women. He probably uses the above mentioned quote as a line on girls - and somehow it works. Which brings me back to this post...

RIP Paul Newman

(January 26, 1925 – September 26, 2008)

Better Days...

Do you remember when Amy Winehouse looked like this:

















...Cause now she looks like this.


Amy Winehouse is reportedly facing assault charges after punching a fan in the face. The fan allegedly asked for a photograph with the crackie, when she punched her in the face then ran off saying "Life can’t go on. I can’t do this any more"

I have $20 on New Years...

The First Townhall Meeting: On the Subject of Douchebags

Ok ladies, get a chair... its time we discussed the most recent trend in masculinity: the Douchebag.

When did this phenomena start, and how did the douche gain so much power? Who the hell knows, one thing is for sure: the more you fall for the 'bags' tactics.. the more power they get. So ladies - stop sexing "those guys". This includes sleeping with them, flirting with them, talking to them - or more generally, acknowledging their existence. Its like disciplining a toddler - acknowledging their bad behavior only encourages it. So please, for the good of womanhood - stop fucking those guys!

Check this out: Waxing Ideas

This hilarious doodle-post comes from The Sneeze. More doodles on the site.

The Thinking Woman's Sex Symbol: Bret McKenzie

Who: Bret McKenzie, plays "Bret" on Flight of the Conchords (a.k.a. rhymenocerous)
What: Musician, actor, producer, writer and comedian
Where: born 29 June 1976 in New Zealand. Currently lives in LA, although Flight takes place in NY
Why: He's funny, musical and all-over talented - he also loves to dance. Observe the attached video for scientific evidence

Welcome to Really? Him?!? A weekly feature were the V examines former sex symbols. On today's chopping block: David Bowie.

Ch-ch-changes...

David Bowie - born David Robert Jones on 8 January 1947.

Bowie skyrocketed to fame in '69 with Space Oddity. In '72, he reemerged as Ziggy Stardust - the androgynous, flamboyant and spandex loving glam rocker.

Bowie is also known for declaring his bisexuality, retracting the statement, then reinstating it. He is currently married to supermodel Iman.

So what is it? Is David Bowie sexy....?

Oddly enough, I know tons of women with a thing for David Bowie. My roommate, for one, would love nothing more then a Bowie Tie (which is a pearl necklace with more glitter).

VERDICT: Sexy in an "I'll try anything once" kind of way.

OMG

I think its about time Aretha retires those spaghetti strap tops - those poor straps must have the structural integrity of the Golden Gate bridge.

Her breasts are so big, if you were to motorboat you'd fall into the abyss and never find your way out of the darkness - which is a better option then pulling your face out of her cleave. The pressure alone would suck your eyeballs out as though you had just taken off your space helmet in an oxygen-free environment (see clip below).

Also, is there a pendant on the end of that necklace? After tonight, it could likely use a good polish. Normally, it takes a hockey team of jacked-up pubescent boys to make a pearl necklace that long.

In a completly unrelated Aiken post

Does anyone else see it?
(Left: Singer Clay Aiken, Right: Keebler elf)

Breaking (and incredibly obvious) News: The Gayken comes out!

The least surprising news you've ever heard was release today - Clay Aiken is gay. The singer released the information in an interview with People magazine, saying: "Yes, I'm Gay. I cannot raise a child to lie or hide things."

Aiken appears on the cover with his newborn son, Parker Foster Aiken. Parker was born on August 8 in North Carolina to Aiken's good friend Jaymes Foster, 50.

V Thang's First Douche of the Week!

With the season premier of Heroes last night, I've decided to give this honorary title to Milo Ventimiglia - actor, music video boyfriend, and child lover. The 31-year-old actor is dating his Heroes co-star Hayden Panettiere. The couple started dating when Hayden was 18, although rumors of their bumping uglies starting while she was still 17... (ewww).

Poor Hayden, Milo is about as sexy as your pervy gym teacher who taps asses a little too much.

Douche of the Century: a John Mayer timeline

Remember when John Mayer was a sweet and sensitive songwriter? What the hell happened? And how did he manage to conceal his douchiness for so long? Over the last year or so, Mayer's twatty behavior has grown exponentially - observe the following scientific data:

I'm almost proud of him - he managed to concel his love of 'jeggarbombs' and 'banging chicks' long enough to emphasize his romantic artsy side to his legions of fans. Now, all the golden showers in the world couldn't wash this image of JM off for fans.

Sweet Valley high meets Sex and the City

Candace Bushnell is continuing the Sex and the City franchise with new books aimed at teenagers. The books will be called the Carrie Diaries and will focus on Carrie Bradshaw in high school on her quest to become a famous writer.

I'm not sure if Bushnell plans to write the story in the 80s - the actual decade in which Bradshaw would have attended high school. Hopefully so - otherwise it will be the literary version of gossip girl.

Who is Carrie Bradshaw without the others? If nothing else, Sex and the City was about friendship, the only constant in the tumultuous series about sex and relationships. Which make me wonder who would be in Bradshaw's clique? Below is a clip of Kim Cattrall is the film Porky's - i.e. Samantha Jones in high school.

Lets get personal with Aubrey O'Day

Aubrey O'Day, a supposed "singer" and friend of Jenna Jameson, mastered the skill of overshare in the new issue of Complex magazine. Some interview gems include:

On her love of porn and period sex -

"I usually watch black guys doing white girls, that’s my little fetish, even though in real life race isn’t a factor for me. Really, I’m more turned on by watching the girls than the guys. I love someone who looks like they’re really into sex"...

"There was some new guy I was dating, and it was the first time we were going to go there, and he was weird about it. So I ask Jenna for advice and she’s like, “Honey, it’s just a little war paint, who cares?”

To be honest with you, I've only ever heard the first 20 seconds of a Danity Kane song - at which point my ears normally bleed until I pass out.

You know how they say a woman's vagina can re-virginize after years of celibacy? For O'Day... we're talking decades. There may even be a logarithim in there.

Another one bites the dust: Poehler to leave SNL

Amy Poehler recently announced that shes leaving SNL in November after the birth of her first child. Poehler is leaving to dedicate her time to her upcoming projects: The Mighty B and The Office spin off. Hopefully she'll be able to follow in the footsteps of Tiney Fey, Julia-Louise Dreyfus, Jane Curtain and other successful SNL alumni.

According to an article written last year on the Huffington Post; SNL has had 116 cast members over its 32 year history. However, only 36 have been women - and only 20 of those women survived more then one season. Even fewer SNL lady-alumni have graduated to successful post-SNL careers (unlike their male counterparts, of which there are many: Chris Rock, Mike Myers, Chevy Chase, Billy Crystal, Martin Short, Eddie Murphy...) And only 3 have had "Best of ..." DVDs (Gilda Radner, Molly Shannon, Sheri Oteri).

Most likely, Poehler will be successful since she's already off to a good start. Not to mention she gets to go home to that sexy beast Will Arnette every night.